Selfish Mommy

"I did it all, including giving birth to Sondra at 21 and Denise at 25,

while graduating from Hillman College and going to law school, 

then becoming a successful attorney, raising three more children, 

dancing with Debbie Allen, and loving my husband 

who performs medical examinations in the basement."

Part of me wants to burn down all of the projects I'm working on and start a new one called Selfish Mommy, where I tell mothers via audio, video, blog, book, online, and in person that I give you permission to make time for yourself.

That's essentially what I'm doing here on I Have A Dream Board, but the message is for busy women in general, whether you have decided to raise children or not.

Women in general need to shut out all the noise and think about what is right for them.

Mothers in particular have crazy nonsense hurled at them all the time.

I thought it would stop by the time I became a mother. It is 2017, after all. But now it's worse.

The last straw on the camel's back came for me last week.

You're Right. You Don't Have Time for everything. Here's a Quick Fix.

C'est tout.

You don't have to do it all.

How can you move forward?

How can you get more done?

"Well, I'll tell you, Nicki."

"How does she do it all?" I don't. You shouldn't either.

"For real, tho?"

Yes, for real.

Let me spin you a tale. A Mother's Day tale.

How was this a movie?

For this Mother's Day, I had quite a morning planned for myself that would start with celebratory public outing with hundreds of other families, and commence with lunch and a nap in the afternoon. I had been organizing this for weeks, sending emails, making multiple calls, arranging printouts and pick-ups and drop-offs, because I knew it would be something my family would enjoy.

Note that I had orchestrated much of this myself, even though I have capable people in my family that could have made some plans on their own for me, the Mother in question.

On the Saturday night before Mother's Day, as I was going to bed, I realized I was feeling ill. But maybe my malady would go away by the morning.

It did not go away by morning.

I felt worse.

Now what?

You've made Your Dream Board! Now what?

"Uh...You tell me!"

Congratulations! You've learned How to Build Your First Dream Board. You did the work. And your Dream Board is complete.

"We did it!"

So, what's your next step?

Here are the three best things to do once you've made your Dream Board:

Diversity does not mean 'Black', and Family does not mean 'Children'.

"The situation is a lot more nuanced than that."

A couple years ago, I was attending yet another diversity in entertainment panel, this one hosted by the Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, a pioneer in the field of actually studying issues like why children's television shows have only 1 female character for every 2 male characters.

One of the panelists, veteran diversity executive Tiffany Smith-Anoa'i, stated that when addressing the lack of accurate representation on U.S. television, "Diversity does not mean 'Black.'" Meaning, you can't simply add a black character to an otherwise all-white show and declare your program "diverse." That's not how diversity works. Literally. It's insulting to black people, dismissive of all other forms of inclusion, and bad for your bottom line.

"Don't forget about us hapas of Indonesian descent!"

Similarly, when I say "family", or,  "If you want to build your family, put it on your Dream Board", I don't mean "put a baby on your Dream Board."

How to Get Your Daughter into College: Preschool Prep edition

(Originally posted on We're Going to College!. Reposted here for you Dreamers who also happen to be--or want to be--Smart Moms!)


Do you have children?

Are they in preschool?

Do you want them to go to college?


It's never to early to BE PREPARED.

For an unpredictable earthquake, you have a flashlight, batteries, bottled water in your safety kit.

For parents of 2-year-olds, 3-year-olds, 4-year-olds, and 5-year-olds, college is an earthquake you know is coming in about 13 years. Prepare now so you don't have to worry later.

Most families start thinking about college near the end of high school. So, let's work backwards.

How to Find Your Soulmate (with a Dream Board) in 3 Easy Steps

"Is this my soulmate? Maybe.

Either way, he's got to be better that Tyrese."

Hello! So you think you want a soulmate. A human companion and partner in love. Someone who doesn't complete you but compliments you.

If you want a soulmate, then you deserve a soulmate.

Here are three easy steps to Find Your Soulmate with a Dream Board.


The first two steps are questions you must answer. The third step is an action you must take.


1. What?

Take out your list.

You know the one.

How to Build Your First Dream Board

I made a new video! As you can tell from the title of this post, and the thumbnail, it's called How to Build Your First Dream Board.

The only tools you need to build your first Dream Board are

How to Get Your Daughter into College (for Smart Moms)

(Originally posted on We're Going to College!. Reposted here for you Dreamers who also happen to be--or want to be--Smart Moms!)


1. Are you a Mom?

2. Do you have a daughter?

3. Do you want her to go to college?


Then we need to talk.

If you’re a mother or an auntie or a grandma or a tia or an abuelita raising a young lady who wants to go to college, you are in the right place.

If you’re wondering, “What’s the secret to getting into college?”, you’re in the right place.

I’m going to tell you the Secret to Getting into College.

Are you ready?