"How does she do it all?" I don't. You shouldn't either.

"For real, tho?"

Yes, for real.

Let me spin you a tale. A Mother's Day tale.

How was this a movie?

For this Mother's Day, I had quite a morning planned for myself that would start with celebratory public outing with hundreds of other families, and commence with lunch and a nap in the afternoon. I had been organizing this for weeks, sending emails, making multiple calls, arranging printouts and pick-ups and drop-offs, because I knew it would be something my family would enjoy.

Note that I had orchestrated much of this myself, even though I have capable people in my family that could have made some plans on their own for me, the Mother in question.

On the Saturday night before Mother's Day, as I was going to bed, I realized I was feeling ill. But maybe my malady would go away by the morning.

It did not go away by morning.

I felt worse.

Now what?

I don't know what I'm doing.

I've got lots of questions.

For the past few years/most of my adult life, I have endeavored to present a picture of myself to the world as an exceptionally qualified professional person.

I wanted my brand to say, "Mahlena is a kind, collaborative team player who brings excellence and a quiet curiosity to what role she find herself in."

I spent much of my education and my career being told--often by accomplished black professionals--that if I showed up, worked hard and played hard, was the first one to arrive and the last one to leave, double-checked and triple-checked my projects, did twice as much to get half as far, and a bunch of other platitudes from The Book of Respectability Politics, verses 1 through infinity, then I would find success in my chosen field.

That did not happen.